- What are you going to school for?
- History. If I get in.
- What can you do with that?
- Uh, well, I–
- I mean, why not do something where you can actually get a job?
- … Because I don’t think with the side of my brain that can get me a job in this economy?
What do you answer to that?
Settling on History was a long and difficult process, and many factors played into making this decision, which is ultimately one of a deeply personal nature. I did all of the things that you do when you just have no idea (like taking these super reliable quizzes online that told me I would make a great clown). I tried to involve others and ask for their advice; ask what they could see me doing — and the common theme in the feedback I received was that I should do something with people. In fact, that’s what I have been told my entire life; that I am great at connecting with people, and that I am a great listener. I don’t have a ton of friends, but the ones I have stick around and I make friends all across the border. It’s a peculiar and wonderful thing. I have friends in their early twenties and friends in their early fifties, and I have a special kindredship with all of them, I feel.
Everyone could see me be a psychologist. I could see myself be a psychologist. For many years, that’s what I told people I wanted to do. I think the main reason why I wanted to be a psychologist (other than wanting to help people and make them feel less alone) was that I wanted to understand myself, and to fix whatever I felt was broken inside of me.
Getting into the Psychology study is damn near impossible. You have to have the best grades, and you have to have taken math on a higher level (which I did, and failed). Don’t ask me why you need to be a math genius to be a psychologist — I really couldn’t tell you. So Psychology was out.
After I started getting out into the world I realized that I think people’s behavior in groups and how we affect each other is endlessly fascinating — perhaps more fascinating than the individual on its own. I was so used to being alone that I didn’t even realize that human beings need others to grow. But again, to get into the studies that deal with this, you have to have superb grades. And while mine were pretty decent, math really made my GPA take a dive.
Not ONCE have I ever considered doing something that wasn’t in the field of humanities or social sciences. Never. It would be the stupidest decision in the world, because while I believe you can learn things to a degree, I also believe that you have forces in certain areas naturally that should be stimulated. The most I have ventured out of my “comfort zone” was when I for a brief period of time considered becoming a doctor; if ONLY for the sake of helping people. I am terrible at Chemistry and Biology, and even if I wasn’t, I don’t have the GPA for it.
I just don’t think like that – and baby I was born this way.
And I am often given a hard time for it. It’s difficult and humiliating to have to explain why you aren’t good at- or interested in what society deems as ‘useful’, and I am sure that this is something most who is majoring in anything within these fields has to deal with, too. The judgement and the explaining just because there is no clear path ahead. It’s not obvious where what you are doing is going, and therefore it’s automatically useless. Andrew, who supports me in everything, thankfully, is extremely gifted with technology and physics and sciences in general. He is logical, rational, and likes to take things apart to see how they work. Sometimes I have felt like what I was good at was nothing compared to his talents because mine does not directly take me anywhere. They are harder to define, and can’t necessarily produce a result that is tangible.
Of course, I COULD get into law, but it seems like there are plenty of lawyers out there. I don’t know what the job market is like for lawyers, but who cares as long as the result is a familiar title (right?).
Where I am from, college is free. It’s equal opportunities for everyone. I think I would be a fool not to do it, now that I have the ability to – practically, physically, mentally. And I don’t know where my choice of majoring in History will take me, but I have 3 years to figure it out.
Scapegoats (for everything that is ruining our economy, like majoring in fine arts) unite!