A week and a half ago I began to write a post that was cut short mid-sentence and left to dust and wilt in my drafts folder. After reading it again, I think that was a wise decision. I mean, it doesn’t make me cringe like the posts from when I was 15 make me cringe, but it makes me cringe that I could use that many words and yet say absolutely nothing. Am I turning into Don Draper? Not to mention the pretentiously poetic undertone – I mean, when that gets free reign, you know I’m out of control.
This is my third week in New York, and I think the message I wanted to get across in the aforementioned post is how much I love this place, and how the mere thought of the summers I get to spend over here gives me energy needed to function as a human being. I think I am the kind of person who needs to go really far away every once in a while, like the Bounty Islands or Small Town, Long Island, to get my internal compass straight. It’s like I need to try something totally different to be able to pick up where I left off – but I suppose that is the case for many a person. Here on Long Island, I have been trimming hedges and painting kitchens, which is like the perfect conclusion to a year of stressing about papers and group work. In fact, I have discovered that I love trimming hedges. Trimming hedges is good for the soul, I think. It takes finesse and keeps you on your toes.
As for my “epoch-making” 25th birthday, which was the main topic of my previous post (god, bloggers are so conceited), it came and went. Who had seen that coming? And to top it off, I don’t feel that different – again, my previous question applies. There’s healthy reflection, and then there is making a big magilla out of nothing. Now, I will most likely do the exact same thing next year, but I think these are at least somewhat healthy thoughts I am having. Perhaps not the “I’m now closer to fifty than to the day I was born”-ones, but the “What am I doing, where am I going”-thoughts.
I had three exams in June, and did relatively okay. I guess it all depends on your expectations. One I had expected to fail but passed, and one I had expected to ace but was instead greatly disappointed. Then lastly, there was the one that caught me off guard; the one that was the culmination of a semester’s worth of group-work and (perhaps) unnecessary self-doubt. It was my first oral exam at the university, and it was also my first exam as a group – lots of firsts in this exam block. We passed that one with flying colors, together. After we had received our grades, the general mood was just euphoric. We had all hoped for the best and prepared for the worst, I think, and were all eager for this whole thing to be over and done with. I was so proud of the three of us. It was the best grade I have received yet in this era of my academic career.
Now all of this seems very far away. Next semester I will be studying the reign of Emperor Justinian, which wasn’t my first pick, but you know what, I am going to love the hell out of it anyway. I just feel so fortunate to be learning.
Well, it’s pouring down outside, and I think I might have to pee, so it’s best that I end this here — the rain is practically taunting my bladder at this point. Thank you for reading, and I will see you again soon! (and that’s both a threat and a promise!).