The summer vacation is slowly approaching, and I’m counting down the days for my professors to go on vacation because that means *I* can go on vacation and spend hours watching beauty videos on YouTube with a clear conscience. (Just kidding… maybe.)
Out of all the semesters I’ve had, this has without a doubt been the worst. I’ve got no one to blame but myself – period. I started out with the best of intentions (as I always do) and quickly fell behind on the assigned readings, and having the first month be dedicated to passing my grammar exam didn’t help. I ran out of steam pretty quickly, yet I feel like I stepped up my game when it came to hand-ins. That sounds pathetic, I know, but there have been times where it has just been about keeping one’s head above water. I’m proud of my hand-ins, but not proud of my attendance record.
There have been times where I’ve made the trip to the university only to skip my classes and instead go to the library to work on all the stuff I was behind on. I viewed it as a matter of priorities. I know I can only look at the screen for so long, so the question is — how would I like to use those hours? I know I’m dead when I come home from the social aspects of class attendance, but can I really afford to be dead when I still have so much work to do? At the time it felt right, and in my gut it still feels right – the work paid off. Yet I wish it wasn’t either or. I wish I could just do it all. But as a person with various chronic illnesses, I have to ration my spoons.
I’m always inclined to hold myself to the same standards as everyone else, and struggle with the fact that, as a spoonie, this is just not realistic for me. It’s hard to explain to others, and even my significant other has trouble understanding it sometimes. I experience a tremendous level of understanding from some (thank you!) and less from others, who confuses my (apparently convincing) “performance” as a “regular” person (despite the occasional limp and visible bandaids from recent surgeries) as me actually being well – despite my saying otherwise.
The more I write about this, the more I realize that I’ve got a couple of posts in me regarding spoonie-life, so I will just end this here.
Anyway, instead of just focusing on the bad parts of this semester, here is a short list of all of the amazing things that have happened this semester:
My 4th Semester – Things That Went Well
- I made friends with an incredibly kind and lovely exchange-student from Japan
- I received my first A (at university)
- I found a great subject for my upcoming BA project
- When writing my papers, I’ve used the university libraries a lot and have discovered that that is where I get the most done. Good to know!
- As a result of this discovery (and listening to my gut), I’ve produced some papers that I’m truly proud of
- I re-took my grammar exam and passed!
- I got a tutor and she was wonderful and I like her a lot. Because of her, I fell in love with clause trees.
So it ain’t all bad!